but I wonder if I deserve to
my faults are minimal why should I hide
but could it be that my fear of vanity is coming true?
I am new person from who I was a years past
but it seems that maybe I am judging too fast
is this new person better than the one before
Or even more cruel and sore
This new person feels less pain and guilt
While the old one could feel the sorrows of others
This new person has so many walls built
While the old one never hid under the covers
Yes I feel less pain
And I got rid of those who made me less sane
However I can feel something is not right
Have I lost that inner spark, that touch of light?
The love that other praised me for
The generosity that was not forced
I am feeling more and more
That I am currently taking the wrong course
Maybe it is not bad to feel pain
And perhaps shielding myself is not a gain
Should I go back to my old being
And be one of great feeling?
I'm usually not much on rhyme but that is just in my own poetry, prose. I do feel where you are going with this and can appreciate the sentiment. Take a deep breath and go through it stanza by stanza. There is power there and perhaps a better way to let that power out. never underestimate the value of revision. Good job though. Keep them coming.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much, I do tend to go rather fast with them and not go back. Constructive criticism is always very much appreciated
ReplyDeleteWell, the English language is not my first language, but I seemed beautiful, very nice, and quite sentimental, very personal, as it should be poetry, poetry comes from within, and it aims to overwhelm us! as a personal relief of feelings, I like, I still learn every day of this beautiful language!....i write poems..but just in spanish...iam still afraid..to write in english..thank you for share!!
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