A Dreadful Encounter

Masked by a sweet bliss

A con under the impression of affection

Poison hid under the smile on your lips 

And for months from this noose I have hung 

The past yells for a second chance

And a tender weeping replies with lost words

My heart begs to take a different stance 

Yet it stays trapped in a cage with the birds 

Oh please, do not exist 

Do not be true
No moments I have missed
And the memories I wish I never knew

It is bitter but not sweet
Not a thing at which I smile
But it mocks me in defeat
The thought is purely vile

Despair of the Unwanted

Despair due to the lack of want

Despair that reminds us of who we are

Despair that seems to always haunt 

Despair that has gone too far

The lack of hope for our own being

A strength that works in an awful way

Wanting to be worth seeing

And not hiding from the light of day

Feeling like who you are is enough

Wanting to be accepted in this space

Everyday just feels so tough 

Always feeling out of place

I want to run free with my self

Let my personality shine 

Spread my happiness with wealth 

And call each day mine

I am trying to, but it is hard

I am trying to take each day as new

But my personality they discard 

And I am left with only but a few 

Those few do bring me light

And it takes away a bit of this night

But I still do not see the light of day 

And hoping for an end, in this place I lay

Falling

I am falling

Yet still have not hit the ground

I am falling

But have heard no crashing sound

As I am falling

I feel the air ripping at my being

As I am falling

Only darkness I am seeing

As I fall

I wish to know why this is

As I fall

All I want is for the darkness to dismiss

I want to finish and hit the ground

I want to finish and know what is around

I want to stop and crash

I want to stop and see light in a sudden flash

I do not care if I don't get up

I do not care if I lay there for days

I do not care, I have had enough

I do not care, I have lost my ways

I care that I stop falling

I care that I can feel something

I care that darkness is gone

I care that I stop falling

What I Wanted It To Be.

Let us sit still for a while
Let us sit and listen and wait
Because my heart is flooded by guile
And I feel as if my love is late

I do not want to speak
I don't want to touch
It is not affection I seek
I have been feeling too much

In the darkness let us sit
In the darkness we will make no sound
And stay there till we see fit
Because thank God it is just us around

Do not let sound break this
Do not let touch impose
Our silent love I miss
I don't know where it goes

Stop the sound
Stop the words
Stop the touch
Stop it all

Let the silence be, let our hearts be still, and don't let me leave without love.

A Summer Dream

I miss the days spent under the sun

Where coldness was not my friend

And my melody was the delight of fun

Why dear God did it have to end ?

Because now I am bathed in dark waters

My sight, oh once sweet sight is scattered

The words around me come from the gutters

And my inner light gossip has battered 

You showed me who the precious ones are

You gave me the summer of my dreams

Now it seems as if I am shooting for the stars

In trying just to repair the loose seams

You gave me my dreams for a short time

Then replaced them with a sad reality  

And these empty days are slowly tearing my spine 

Tell me why now, I cannot find the key

The world from before is now hard to see

Though the memories crowd my mind

My happiness I am keeping with delicacy

So that one day it, I might be able to bind

Oh dear God, do not give me the past

For that is not natural and has already been lived

But give me hope and light, fast

May the darkness quickly be rid.

A Sad Poem

And so long as I don't stay in my mind
I am alive for another day
For in my mind I get lost and am hard to find
And in my thoughts forever I will lay
Just waiting for the break of day

The first time it hit me I fell hard to the ground
Crying in pain hoping that I had only lost my balance
But now it happens often and all I can do is make silent sound
And as I weep I tell myself my strength it will enhance

It is a plague, it is a curse and it is a nightmare
It leaves me in surrendering silence and anguish
Although dead in it's eyes I stare
It laughs at my simple wish
For it to go away

I am not okay today
I wasn't the day before
And so I am left in dismay
Left, hating what remains of my core

Life Striking Me

Strike one
I am left being the only one
Strike two
I am left wanting to be through
Strike three
I am left wishing someone one else I could be
Strike four
And I am about to walk out the door
Strike five
I finally feel like I am alive
Strike six
New people are thrown in the mix
Strike seven
I feel as if I am in heaven
Strike eight
My skills I start to demonstrate
Strike nine
It seems as if the world is mine
Strike ten
I start from strike one again.

Who Am I?

Who am I, but just another design?

Who can I become

if I am just another one 

just a speck in the essence of time

It is a chance, my existence

my personality a random thing

people say, "you can go the distance!"

but how is it peace I am supposed to bring

If I am just another of the many in the lot

how can I be expected to have revolutionary thought

how do you expect my mind to not be melded 

by the previous thoughts that other have welded 

You say my mind is special and unique

it is different from all the rest 

but my originality is very weak

because my thoughts are not the best

Someone must have thought my thoughts before

someone must have, before I even opened that door

someone must have already had my mind

but somehow that was not how we were designed 

I am different than the billions who have walked the earth

No one will be exactly like me in the future or past 

From this I should find my worth 

or else into self pity be cast 

Another Heartbreak

I guess I am finished,
my heart has been exhausted
this love has diminished
If only sooner I knew what it costed

The nights left in pain
and the days seeing you
loving all, but in vain
and none of it was true

I was not strong enough
I could not last through your game
walking away might be tough
but I won't be haunted by your name

You did not do anything wrong
I was just looking for someone different
simply we didn't sing the same song
but I won't forget how much you meant

Maybe a different path
maybe a different time
where I won't feel loves wrath
and you could maybe be mine

Myself

I never thought I would be at the same point as so many years before
Having other people tell me that I still need to be more
That who I am is not enough, and I must change
Why is it that I am the one who is strange?

I changed once and it killed me inside
But you keep telling me from my true self I must hide
You shun me and cast me off
and expect me to just shrug it off

Not today, not again, I do not have to pretend
The person I am is more than the one you want me to be
So to you my true self I will lend
And if you choose to keep me we will see

The Unhappy Ones

You know those people that gleam with joy?
The ones who could lift up the world with a smile
But then one day that smile they choose to destroy
and you just hope it is all some part of a playful ploy

But you know its not, you can feel the pain
The one that seems to drive them insane
The joyful person has been destroyed by the cruel world
And inside themselves they have curled

You know they want to feel
They beg to feel anything if even pain
They hope that this can’t be real
And people tell them they are just being vain

Dear smilers of world who have lost your smile
Remember only you can cure this horrible disease
Do not let the world you and treat you with false judgement 
You can choose to stand up and feel what you please

Choose how you feel each day
No matter what the world might say
Smile if you want to be full of happiness and joy
And your sadness will become coy

The Pieces

I'm falling out and falling down
with my heart beating fast
and broken pieces all around
just collecting what is left of the past

As I start to gather the pieces in my hand
I am still just trying to understand
how I let the person I planned to be break
but through the tears it is hard to concentrate

I slam my head on the ground and scream
and pray, just pray this is all a sick dream
as my scream shatters the silence so does another sound
a set of gentle footsteps walking along the ground

I see a hand start to help me pick up the pieces that lay
and I dare not to look, just hoping they might go away
I am embarrassed and ashamed of my state
but still the stranger is picking up the proof of my hate

After they have all been collected
he places them before me, still broken
he asks me why not better had they been protected
my mind has a million reasons but my mouth has not spoken

He waits for me to lift up my head
and instead of scowl, laid a smile instead
a hand is reached out for me
but I take it hesitantly

I stand up and brush off the dirt
and get a good look at this friend
I can see he too has felt hurt
but he found someway to mend

I give him a smile and in return
he begins to teach me everything he has learned

Yes and No

I do not think the problem is in people saying no
I believe the problem is in people saying yes
Yes to being broken hearted, yes to being left alone
Yes to being saddened and haunted by distress

Rather than saying, no, not today
Today you will not break me
Today you will not take my spirit away
And today I will not be deceived

People saying yes to being within themselves
Waiting for someone to pull them out
and in the darkness their spirit dwells
screaming and kicking about

They say yes to being torn down by reality
They say yes to allowing people to drag them down
And yet they blame the world of the brutality
Drowning beneath the thoughts that they crown

The yes is stronger than the no
And with that, use it to grow

Solid Ground

I am looking around

aimless, searching, lost 

where was my once solid ground?

was security my cost?

The cost to live as I choose 

but I live without feeling of joy

and it seems I am just a muse

in the worlds great ploy

Emptiness reaps my being

coldness strikes me with boldness

and good thoughts I am not conceiving

once again I am left in distress 

I will say I learned from this 

I will do better next time round

but there must be something I missed

because still there is not solid ground

All My Loves

I have heard so many tales
and so many songs
about how love conquers gales
and how much it can pull you along

I have heard about the heartbroken
the ones still in love
people searching without being outspoken
and people looking everywhere, even to above

But I have found myself
in a place so strange
I love without help
and I have no need for change

I love not with romance
but with tender friendship
I need not someone to dance
or someone to be joined at the hip

I love everyone in hopes
hopes that they will return
like lost envelopes
and from this much I have learned

My goal is to love all
and maybe one of them might fall
fall in love with me and all of my loves

My Song

Have you ever heard the sound of your soul?
no I'm not speaking of a self created sound
or one that can be made from the ember of coals
it is the one that when you hear, to it you are bound

Whether it be in the voice of another
or a song that ignites the depths of your being
the noise of nature as if it is your lover
and when it is heard it brings about healing

I have found my perfect song
the one with which my soul will dance
twirling around without neglect
so strong it cannot be pierced by the lance

I close my eyes and it wraps my body
begging to become one with me and who I am
being miraculous yet not in a way that is gaudy
and as I drift into a sea, I understand

I now know what it is to feel joy
to feel like you have found a way
to depict my soul without having to destroy
my sense of light and time of day